Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Four minutes until I can fart!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
