Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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