If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
