All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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