Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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