Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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