Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize