watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Couch. On fire.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
