so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
