I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
