She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
