I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
