Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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