do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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