we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
