Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I will die if light touches me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
