I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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