you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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