I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think my fart just growled at me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
