i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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