so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
