I am spending my child support on dildos
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
