I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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