please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
