yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
