My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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