seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
