If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
do nipples grow back?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
