The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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