Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
