I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
