its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Congratulations! We have a period
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