i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
