im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
