I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
