Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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