just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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