I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My pussy is not your playground.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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