My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
