Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
