I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
