its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
