I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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