I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
