Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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