Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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