Can i not drive my cunt home
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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