New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
