sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
