is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
