and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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