i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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