Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
