Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize