apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
