Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
