You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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