we have officially lost it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to make out with him forever
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize