I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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