So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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