Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
