Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize