the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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