Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
